I miss her. I really do. I miss her everyday. And it's hard to say. It's hard to tell anyone. I don't want to make them sad. But today especially, I miss her. I miss her for Ethan, and I miss her for Beilal. I know her beauty lives on in my heart, but I miss her physical presence. I miss what I almost had, and I miss what I don't have.
Today was both difficult, and beautiful. It started out horribly, but ended peacefully. And I have Ethan to thank for that. He is such a peaceful little light for me. I honestly don't know what I do without him and his sweet innocence. At his young age, he already feels empathy and can be very sympathetic. He gets sad when others are sad and even tries to make them feel better. He does this for me, and it's so special. I'm honored to be his mother, and to give him my heart. I wish he had a little brother or sister he could also share his heart with, because he has so much of it to share.
We were walking down the sidewalk and he said hi to almost every person walking by. And he put a smile on each one of their faces. What a kind soul he is. I hope he stays that way forever. It's so beautiful to witness as his mother. May he continue (inshallah) to bring peace and smiles wherever he goes. I've been spending a lot of one to one time with him, and we are both learning so much from each other. He is so precious and his mind is growing so beautifully.
Isabel was with us both today. She turned our day around. She made it brighter. And she guided us to peace. She is forever. And I will carry her forever wherever I go.
Peace and love.